RAIN FALLS AFTER A LONG DROUGHT

It has been a while since I have written on this blogsite.  Unfortunately, I fell victim to the busyness of life in the last couple of years.  I would get up each day, run to work and come home each night exhausted.  The only prayer done consistently was listening to Compline (night prayer) on my IPhone before falling asleep.  The app is all set up, so all I had to do was to was put on my earphones and listen to the soothing sounds of the ancient prayer.

I have read about saints who suffered from spiritual dryness, but did not completely understand it until now.  Blessed Mother Teresa is good example who felt she could not experience God after she began her work in India.  However, every day she remained faithful to Jesus with a smile, while most of us would give up.

 In my case, it was too easy to make excuses instead of praying through my tiredness.  I currently work the early shift which means getting up at 4:15 am, so time has been an excuse.  The solution is to find time again in the morning for prayer even for just a few minutes.  It might mean (gulp) getting up even earlier  but it is the only way to get back on track.  I, also, will make time to write as well.

The past year has not been completely void of spiritual activity.  I changed parishes to get a new perspective on my Catholic faith and meet new people.  I have also attended classes on contemplative prayer and consecration to Mary.  Recently, I started to work on an Advent retreat for women and suggested journeying with Mary to Bethlehem.  This involved rereading my 2009 blog entry about this subject.  As soon as I got back into my blog, I knew it was time to return.  I have no idea where the spirit will lead me, so I will just need to wait for the rain to fall on my parched hands.

This summer, we had a deluge of rain in Arizona after a hot, dry spring and summer.  Streets and freeways were flooded, which meant closing schools and offices for a day.  When the rain returns spiritually, we have to be careful of flooding.  It is time to slow down, so we are not inundated by the "rain."  The only way to do it is to take time to listen to God without any agenda or excuses.

Holy Spirit Come to Us

"Holy Spirit, come to us.  Kindle in the fire of your love.  Holy Spirit, come to us.  Holy Spirit, come to us."  Every night before sleeping, I listen to this beautiful Taizé chant.  The words are simple yet powerful.  I often wonder if people actually think about what they are chanting, since they are inviting the Holy Spirit  to dwell within them.

During the Conclave, Catholics and others around the world prayed for the Holy Spirit to guide the cardinals as they elected a new pope.  I even joined Adopt A Cardinal and prayed for a cardinal in Brazil as well as for all of the cardinals. The surprising election of Pope Francis proves that these prayers were heard.

Today is the feast of Pentecost, so many Christians around the have prayed to receive the Holy Spirit.  However, will these prayers persist as ordinary time takes over and we resume our busy lives?  I would suggest finding a few minutes each day to say a prayer to invoke the Holy Spirit.  It could be a prayer that has been written, a song or a prayer from your heart.  If we truly want to set the world on fire, we need to keep on asking the Lord to send forth His spirit and accept what we receive.  If more Christians did this simple prayer each day, there could truly be a New Pentecost.

Believe

If life is getting you down, there is always hope.  No problem, pain or hurt is beyond the mercy of God.  He is waiting for you with open arms and will respond to your needs with His everlasting love.  All you have to do is take the leap of faith and trust in Him.  He will respond to your prayer in His time.

In October 2010, I wrote a PowerPoint called "Believe" after surgery and stress left me physically and emotionally drained.  During this dark time, I wrote a few phrases in my journal that became "Believe."  It became my lifeline as I slowly recovered and my energy returned.  I still read it every time I face difficulties.

I thought about "Believe" last week when I learned that Junior Seau committed suicide and then there was a horrible murder-suicide in the nearby town of Gilbert, AZ.  I wondered if they felt that their situations were beyond hope.  So, I will share this with you and pray it will inspire you when you face challenges. Just believe and trust in God!

This is my favorite picture of Jesus.

This passage was inspired from reading Catherine Marshall's book .Meeting God At Every Turn.  Before she became a famous writer, she dealt with being a widow at a young age and tuberculosis.  

One way to plant the seeds is through constant intercessory prayer.  Have others pray for you, too.

Remember the Sabbath and Keep It Holy

A few months ago, I realized that I was more tired on Sunday than on other days of the week.  Between grocery shopping, going to the laundromat and then squeezing in time to attend church, I started the week exhausted.   I, then, remembered a Messianic Jewish friend who looked forward to celebrating Sabbath every week and decided to try it.  I could at least do it for a month.

Well, it is now six months later, and I am still learning to how to observe  Sabbath.  Learning to let go of all your busyness in life is a journey, but it is well worth the effort.  Not only do you please the Lord by this observance, but you also find time to renew yourself and start the week energized.  Here are some tips that you can use to begin this practice:

1)  God commanded us to keep Sabbath holy.  It is a day of rest from what you consider to be work, so you first need to decide what part of your life is work.   I decided to avoid shopping and laundry on Sundays.  My friend avoids any task that involves the exchange of money.  She, also, would make meals ahead of time and only heat them up on Sabbath in a crock pot.  I have not gotten to the point where I can stop cooking but have learned to make simple meals.  I also soak my dishes in the sink and do not wash them until the end of Sabbath.   

2)  Try not to do everything the day before Sabbath or you will feel exhausted when it arrives.  It is best to spread your work out if possible.  I am still running around on Saturdays but have tried to do grocery shopping on Fridays to free up the weekend.

3)  Do not stress about whether Sabbath should be on Saturday, Sunday or a different day of the week if you work on weekends.  The point is that the Lord wants one day set aside to rest and spend time with Him.  I celebrate Sabbath on Sunday because this is when it is celebrated by my Catholic faith.  Also, work on celebrating it at sunset on the prior day as in the Jewish tradition.

4)  Do not worry when your Sabbath is not perfect.  Sometimes, you have to pick up something at the store or clean up a mess in the house.  Try to keep work to the minimum and go back to resting as soon as possible.  Jesus also had the same message in the Gospels when he healed on Sabbath. 

5)  Make it a priority to set aside time for worship and prayer on Sabbath for this pleases God.  I have discovered that once I cleared my schedule, it was easier to go to church.  I even started to look forward to it as the high point of the day.

6)  Sabbath does not always mean spending the day in bed.  My friend would visit the sick or others in need of comfort.  The key is that you are not spending money or doing work.

Last year, we celebrated Christmas and New Year’s on Sabbath day.  Normally, I would be stressed and spend the day in a frenzy preparing meals.  However, since I wanted to observe Sabbath, I prepared some of the meal in advance and kept the rest simple which made the holidays more enjoyable.  My next task will be to  unplug from the cell phone and internet and see if that helps to rest.  I spend most of the week online in my job and at home so that has become work.  It will be an interesting challenge to stay away from technology for a day.

My friend sums it up best saying that observing Sabbath is like having a holiday every week.  Now, that is worth a little effort during the rest of the week.  Shabbat Shalom!  

I Know That Jesus Exists

The gospels after Easter are full of testimonials of eyewitness encounters with our Resurrected Lord.  Sometimes, we might feel like Doubting Thomas and need to see Him for ourselves to believe.   Often, we wonder if this could even happen over 2000 years later.  I am writing this blog to testify that the Lord still reveals Himself to the modern world, for he once came to me during a vision when I was 13.  Today, when I was praying the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy, I was urged to share this testimony with all of you.  Although my story is short, I will add it to the testimonies that Jesus does indeed appear today as he did to the disciples.

My vision occurred during an evening service at First Congregational Church in Ridgefield, CT where I lived during my teens.  It was 1975 during a rough time in my life, where I was a new kid who struggled to fit in at the local junior high.  My family attended the Congregational church, and to be honest, I was the typical bored teenager whose mind wandered most of the time.  The church was built in 1712, and we still sang the same hymns as the Pilgrims. 

One night, I went to an evening event with my family.  It was very different from the typical morning church service because we were singing contemporary songs.  I remember seeing people, who normally sat straight, start clapping and moving to the tunes. 

When you faced the front of the church, there were five stained glass windows that depicted scenes of Jesus.  They were in a semi-circle around the altar at that time.  The central window showed Jesus coming back at Judgment Day in a triumphant position.  He was surrounded by stained glass depicting rays of the sun. 

During the service, I suddenly saw the center stained glass window grow brighter (at night).  The image of Christ Triumphant briefly came to life and Jesus gave me a smile.  Then, He slowly faded away and the window went back to the stained glass image.  It might have lasted a couple of brief seconds, but at that moment, time was suspended.  I remember this peaceful feeling that lingered for a few days afterwards. 

Although I was with my family and in a crowded room, there was never any mention of anyone else seeing Jesus.   After the euphoria went away, I was too terrified to tell anyone especially my family because they would think I was crazy.  I even wondered about it myself, since this encounter never occurred again during my remaining years at the church.  So, how do I know it was real?

First, I was not afraid at all and felt indescribably peaceful.  Before this time, I had been afraid of dying after my baby sister passed away when I was three.  My parents explained to me that you see Jesus when you die, so I was absolutely terrified of the thought of encountering Him.  So, if this came from my imagination, I would have been scared that I was about to die. I also never took drugs or drank, so it would not be from a hallucination.

This event finally had a huge impact on my life and I remember it clearly today.  It served to comfort me during difficult times, because the Lord cared enough to appear to me.  My spiritual walk with Christ also began at that age.  My journey eventually led me to the Catholic Church which is more accepting of mystical experiences.  I later became devoted to St. Joan of Arc, St. Faustina and St. Juan Diego,  because they also experienced visions during their lives.

I now go to St. Timothy in Mesa, Arizona.  A few years ago, they painted a mural, and in the center is Christ Triumphant which reminds me of that stained glass window many years ago.  Despite my wishes, He has never appeared to me in my current church.  However, I do believe that Jesus smiles at everyone when they are worshipping Him, even if we cannot see it.  For one brief time in my life, He opened up my eyes and I saw a glimpse of eternity.

Image of St. Timothy Mural, Mesa, AZ 

Results of the Rosary Experiment

I spent last month saying the Rosary each day prayed for 4 people including myself.  The last decade was left open for whatever need occurred during the day.  As a complete beginner, I decided to be open to the experience.

I chose from the beginning to focus on a loving Mary.  Occasionally, I used the mysteries of the day but found that it was too much multitasking for a beginner.  There is a beautiful rhythm in the Hail Mary’s, Our Father, Glory Be and Prayer of Fatima that I reflected on as I prayed.  Mary would come to me in different images.  Most of the time, she was the familiar Our Lady of Lourdes or Fatima image that is in most Western churches.

I also saw her wearing the cloak of stars of Our Lady of Guadalupe or a cloak that shone in pastel, rainbow colors.  My favorite image was what I call Our Lady of the Stars.  Mary appeared in the night sky surrounded by beautiful stars similar to Our Lady of Guadalupe being surrounded by sunlight.  Her eyes were also like stars.  She was truly Queen of the Universe.  I later looked at Google images for Mary but the closest was this one, however; the stars surrounded her from head to toe.

Each decade was assigned to an intention.  I first prayed for myself, then a friend, a family member and finally a friend with stage 4 lung cancer.  During each of these decades, I imagined Mary shining her love upon me and the others.  Sometimes, the Mary in my mind would give the person an embrace.  Once she placed her cloak on me and I then placed the cloak on each person who needed intercession.  She revealed to me that the cloak would bring healing.  One month later, I do not know if the prayers worked since God is on eternal time.  However, my friend with stage 4 cancer is currently in remission.

The challenge was in keeping this discipline every day.  My schedule became busy because my kids returned to school, so I normally prayed the Rosary before bedtime.  Sometimes, it was late so I had to force myself to pray it.  It often resulted in shortening the decades.  Since I listened to the prayers on my IPhone, I sometimes fell asleep in the middle of the prayers.  So, I learned that is best to pray the Rosary prior to bedtime..

After one month of prayer, I took a few days off but actually missed the Rosary, so I will continue the prayers and start adding the Mysteries.  The challenge is in connecting the Mysteries to my intentions.  I also reflected on how each mystery would be apply to the people in my intercession and found it to be very  enlightening. 

As a conclusion, praying the Rosary confirmed the presence of Mary as a powerful force of intercession in a world that desperately needs her prayers.  She also presented herself as Queen of the Universe, so I know without any doubt that her petitions will be heard.  The Rosary is also a way to deepen the prayer experience in a meditative state and provide needed peace to your soul.  

The Rosary Experiment

This month, I started a new chapter in my spirituality.  I decided to pray the Rosary and focus each decade on a person needing Our Lady’s prayers including me.  I will pray for the same people during the first four decades and let the Holy Spirit decide on the 5^th decade’s intention.  My plan is to pray the Rosary every day in August and see what effect it has after one month of daily devotion.  Why pray the Rosary instead of other prayers?  I believe Our Lady has finally led me to it.

During the past few months, my spiritual routine slacked off.  Just one day of not meditating or praying turned into weeks of avoiding time with God.  As usual, the busyness of life and dealing with conflicts were convenient excuses.  However, Mary gently encouraged me to start this prayer.

In May, I attended a presentation made by a Catholic convert whose life was changed by regular devotion to Mary.  He is now discerning the diaconate.  My favorite 89 year-young Irish priest encouraged my parish to follow St. Louis de Montfort’s path of total consecration.  In this method, we dedicate our lives to Jesus through Mary.  I had to start and stop this consecration three times but the prayers had an effect.  I am currently on the 3^rd week where you study Our Lady and end by praying the Rosary.

Mary has also been present at critical stages in my faith journey.  I grew up Presbyterian but started to attend the Catholic Church at age 20.  It then took 10 years to convert.  The final straw was a game played at the young adult group at my Presbyterian Church where they eliminated historical figures.  Everyone was quick to eliminate Mary which horrified me. I walked into an RCIA class that same week in 1990 and became Catholic on Easter Vigil in 1991.

After my conversion, I still was uncomfortable with devotions to Mary so she had to reveal herself patiently to me.  In 2007, I visited the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico City.  As soon as I walked in the square, I was struck by a tremendous amount of energy and knew that she had appeared there.  It was truly an emotional experience to walk up the hill to the chapel at the top of Tepeyac.  Ironically, I saw hundreds of images of Our Lady of Guadalupe that day in the various buildings but did not realize that the real one was in the ugly, new basilica.  However, it did not matter because I already had proof of her presence in my heart.

Chapel at the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe, Mexico City

In August 2008, the Diocese of Phoenix celebrated a beautiful Guadalupe festival with a number of speakers.  It culminated with the presentation of a relic from the tilma.  I was awestruck by the unity of everyone there from different nationalities for Our Lady.

Last October, I was very ill from a severe vitamin deficiency and had little energy.  I attended a Tom Booth concert at my church where he ended the concert by singing a beautiful song that he wrote called “My Lady.”  As I heard the song, tears flowed out of my eyes and I felt a strong urge to pray to Mary because she understood my pain.  So I prayed a most desperate prayer for healing and slowly over the weeks felt better. This experience was described in greater detail at an earlier blogpost.

Finally, I visited the Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche in St. Augustine, Florida last month.  It was a very serene place that was significant as the first US mission to the Catholic Church.  I spent a few minutes in prayer to Our Lady and felt peaceful afterwards.

Thus, my desire to pray the Rosary is to deepen my relationship with Mary and to see how daily devotion will help me and others who especially need her intercession.   I downloaded a CD in my Iphone with the soothing voice of Roma Downey praying the Rosary which came with the book Practical Praying:  Using the Rosary to Enhance Your Life by John Edwards.  The author is a famous medium who prays the Rosary daily.  I found his book very down to earth and perfect for beginners.  I decided on my intentions and will write down the results of my prayer experiences in my journal.

Our Lady of La Leche - St. Augustine, Florida

The first time I prayed a “practice run” on 7/30, I imagined Our Lady embracing the people I was praying for during each decade.  It was so beautiful that I decided to continue with this meditation.  The second time I prayed the Rosary, Our Lady gave me a red rose to hold with thorns.  It was again a peaceful and inspiring experience.  I hope to find out the meaning of the rose as I continue this month of devotions.  With Our Lady in charge, it will definitely be a rewarding journey.

Jesus Was Never in a Hurry-Father Charles Carpenter on the "Jesus Walk"

One of the most challenging aspects of adopting a more monastic lifestyle is learning to slow down in a world that continues to revolve faster.   Father Charles Carpenter of Alamos, Mexico just published “The Jesus Walk”  in the April 2011 edition of Homiletic and Pastoral Review which discusses the importance of slowing down in order to live a more creative and satisfying life. 

In his article, he reminds us that Jesus took his time "from the start."  He spent 30 years working with wood in Nazareth and slept on a fishing boat during a raging storm.  He even put off healing Lazarus.  Father Carpenter stated:  “We might affirm, without much margin of error, that this man was never in a hurry to do anything.” 

Father Carpenter also discussed in his article that great masterpieces took time to be done well and wondered about the lack of masterpieces in today’s world.   People in the Middle Ages valued leisure and considered workaholism as a "form of sloth."  However, we turn out pulp novels today instead of great works of literature.  Writing faster on a computer instead of using a pen deprives us of the pauses that bring forth creativity.  “Perhaps the reason we do not have great men in our times is because we do not allow ourselves to do things slowly, that is, with the time it takes to do it well.”

How do we counter this culture that values speed over quality?  He encourages people “to learn a new dance – the Jesus Walk” which is “walking slow” and allowing time for creativity.    He also reminds us to find time for prayer and uses the example of Jesus who always prayed before making major decisions.  It is not “time lost” but the “best investment.”

The most intriguing part of the article was how rest is associated with creativity.  Lately, I have been busier which might explain my struggles with writer’s block.  It has been increasingly more difficult to find time for prayer in the morning and journaling.  I finally cut back on outside activities which has helped me focus.  It will be an interesting experiment to write more with a pen instead of a computer (and I confess to writing this blog on a computer but at a slow pace).

Last weekend, I learned a lesson in slowing down.  My son and I were returning from the store in the rain and were chatting as I drove through the neighborhood.  Suddenly, a car tried to turn in front of us from the street to our right.  I put on the brakes and barely stopped within inches of hitting the car.  The speed limit is slow in this neighborhood so it is tempting to drive above it.  I realize if I had driven faster, my son and I would have been in a serious head-on collision.   Thank God the only thing that happened was that both our hearts were pounding.

Dr. Peter Marshall, a famous 20th century Presbyterian minister,  also wrote about this topic in a sermon called “Sin in the Present Tense.”  It was written just after World War II.  His observation was:  “Whereas our grandparents could make a gracious ceremony and devote a whole evening to a game of Parcheesi, we now feel frustrated unless we can in a single evening, combine a dinner date, take in a movie, make a couple of telephone calls, visit somebody on the way downtown and maybe do some shopping on our way to the show.  We try to do too much in too short a time.  We are compressing our lives into capsules that are quite indigestible.” (Catherine Marshall, A Man Called Peter, 1951, pg 323)  He compared worry and anxiety to lack of trust in God which is a sin.  I wonder what he would think of our even faster life in the 21^st century.

Therefore, we must resolve to deliberately slow down our pace and find the peace of soul from "living in slow-motion."  It is counter-cultural but certainly obtaining inner peace is worth the effort of slowing down.  I hope you will take time to read Father Carpenter's article.  You can find it on his website at http://www.missionariesoffatima.org/.  The article is located under Christian Living.  Click Christian Living and then "go to archive" to view the article.  You can also find information on his work as a missionary in Mexico.  The Homiletic and Pastoral Review website is http://www.hprweb.com/.

Can Technology Help You Be Contemplative?

I have written before about the craziness of this multitasking world and how we need to slow down to connect with God.  Recently, I upgraded to an IPhone and wondered if I was caving in to the demands of the 21^st century.  However, owning a smartphone has positive aspects such as apps on the Divine Mercy, daily mass readings and the Bible.  You could even get an app for the Liturgy of the Hours.  My Iphone also has Taize songs and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.   So, it can save time to find meditations at your fingertips, as long as you are not tempted to look at Facebook and emails instead of prayers. 

We no longer need to open up devotional books when they are posted daily on your Facebook.  Friends email us with inspiring powerpoint presentations.  There are websites that can offer discussion boards and articles.  The sites that I have recommended here are all excellent.  Jesusofnazaret.com is administered by a Maronite Catholic monk who lives in Rome and has great articles, videos, discussions and links to an online TV site- www.jesusofnazaret.com.  My friend S.T. Martin runs a website dedicated to St. Therese and St. Joan of Arc (www.joanand therese.net).  There is a new site from a family member which is an online discussion on St. Ignatius and the 12 Steps (http://www.spiritualeg.com/).   A community of Poor Clare nuns that live near me write a marvelous blog that is known internationally - http://www.desertnuns.blogspot.com/.  It is interesting to read their spirtitual insights and about daily life at the monastery.

We can spend all day googleling to various websites for spiritual refreshment.  Still, a virtual mass is not the same as attending mass, and a virtual confession will not replace actual time with a priest.  My church instituted perpetual adoration this year and had us sign up for an hour a week or month to spend time with Jesus in the chapel.  Cell phones have to be turned off there, so it is extremely quiet.  Since my time is the 2^nd Friday of the month, I call it my Friday night date with Jesus.  When I first went to the chapel, I wondered how I would ever fill up an hour in prayer.  To my surprise, I enjoyed spending time alternating between contemplative prayer and the intentions of my friends.  When I later went to the car, I saw that an hour had passed and felt tremendous peace.  I intend to go to the chapel more often than my scheduled time.

Technology can be our friend in our quest for a deeper relationship with God, but we must use it with moderation.  It can also be an addiction that cannot replace worshiping at church, going to small groups and private prayer.  We still need to be connected with people and God through personal interactions instead of a few strokes at a keyboard.

Prayer and Spirituality in 2011

It is that time of year again when everyone makes resolutions.  Besides the normal weight loss resolutions, it is important to consider your prayer life and find more time for God . Here are my resolutions:

1)  Increase the time of daily contemplative prayer.  It is rare that I can do it twice a day but I will at least strive to do it longer each day.

2)  Continue to slow down.  I will try picking one day a week to really focus on it.

3)  Read and reflect on daily mass readings.  My daughter gave me a bilingual bible, so I can also learn more Spanish words while reading scripture. 

4)  Take better care of yourself.  After I got sick last year, I learned the importance of maintaining good health.  God certainly wants us to respect the body He created for us.  Instead of focusing on pounds this year, I will work on eating healthier foods and daily exercise.  The last one will be my biggest challenge for I have made many excuses to avoid exercise.  However, if I can do daily prayer, I can find the time to exercise.

5)  Make regular times to journal and continue writing.  I had no idea on how to blog before last September but it has been a blessing.  I hope to find more interesting topics to share on this blog as well as on my Spanish blog http://www.amigaamericana.blogspot.com/.

6)  Keep my commitment for Adoration.  My church is having us sign up for a time to commit to Adoration in the chapel.  I picked the 2nd Friday of the month.  It will be interesting to see how this time with the Lord will affect my spiritual journey.

7)  Pray for social justice.  I will continue to pray for social justices causes such as finding a solution for immigration and search for ways to get involved.

8)  Take time each week to read an inspirational book.

Well, I hope these resolutions will inspire you to make time in your busy lives for the Lord.  May you all have a blessed and uplifting 2011!

Advent Meditation: Journeying to Bethlehem

During this Advent, I decided to walk beside Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem and reflect on how they were able to make such a difficult journey.  It came at such an inconvenient time.  Mary was about to go into labor when they received the news to go to Bethlehem for the census.  As pointed out in the book The Christmas Journey by Donna Van Liere, this trip was about 70 miles, took around 5 days to walk and Mary would have felt “every rock and bump along the way.”

Donna Van Liere further wrote that Mary would have felt labor pains and also people staring at her because they questioned the story behind her pregnancy.  There was also concern that she might go into labor during the trip and how she and Joseph would even raise the Son of God.  Yet, Mary was told by the angel to “be not afraid.”  She put complete trust in God that she would complete the journey and give birth.

I also have at times wondered why things were happening at the wrong time in my life and have questioned God.  Why did I have to worry about breast cancer when recovering from surgery and then get extremely exhausted from the stress?  Mary shows how her complete trust in the Lord and lack of fear resulted in the Christmas we celebrate today.  I had to calm myself down and surrender everything to God in order to get well.  I also asked Mary to intercede and my life then started to turn around.  They did not find any cancer and I am gradually gaining more energy.

Our Lady probably also arrived just exhausted and then was told there was no room in the inn.  How many times have we almost reached our goals and obtained a setback?  Yet, she serenely accepted giving birth in a cold, dirty stable among the animals.  She did not complain that this was not worthy of the Son of God.  The Lord protected her and then surrounded her with His glorious light, songs of angels, and visits from shepherds and wise men.  So as we go on our own difficult journeys, we must stay calm and believe that the Lord will come even in the darkest of times.  He will shine His light of peace and joy into our lives in His own time. 

When I was pregnant, I would sometimes talk to my baby.  Thus, I was moved by this meditation to write a poem about Mary reassuring her son during her journey to Bethlehem.

Mary’s Lullaby (On the Road to Bethlehem)
by Julie Burbach

My precious, little child,

It’s not much longer now.

Though dark and cold,

On this long, bumpy road,

Do you feel the warm light,

Pouring into my soul?

Our Father is here,

Telling us not to fear,

As we journey through the night.

My precious, little child,

It’s time to rest now.

For it’s still a long way,

I will sit down and pray.

Do you hear the lullabies

Of angels by our side?

Telling us to be at peace,

And watching us,

While we sleep.

My precious, little child,

It’s almost time now.

For I can see the town,

Lighting up the sky around.

Do you feel the anticipation,

Of heavenly celebration?

Telling us it will be all right,

It’s time to reveal Your light.

My precious, little child,

It’s not much longer now.

I hope that everyone will have a joyous and blessed Christmas.  May we all strive to have the trust and serenity of Mary and patiently wait for God to reveal His light into our lives.

Slowing Down for Christmas

One of the busiest times of year has to be the Christmas season.  Everyone is bustling around trying to find the hottest gift at the cheapest price, decorating their homes to look like magazine pictures and making the perfect homemade Christmas goodies.  We get stressed fighting the mall crowds and getting all the gifts bought and wrapped by the holidays.  Holiday parties add to the stress since we also have to find the perfect Christmas outfit.   Who has time now during this busy season to experience Advent and reflect on the coming of Our Savior? 

To truly experience joy at Christmas, it is more important than ever to slow down, take time to meditate, read inspirational books, and observe traditions that are connected with Jesus.  Here are some of the ways I will work on experiencing Advent instead of the shopping craze:

1)       Gradually put up the decorations.  They do not have to be put up in one day but spread over several days or weeks.

2)      Look at family traditions and pick the ones with the most meaning.  You do not have to do them all to have a wonderful Christmas.  My favorites are lighting the candles on the advent wreath and baking a Christmas recipe from my childhood.  However, there is nothing wrong with buying store-bought Christmas cookies if there is no time to bake them.  (Cookie exchanges are also an idea when time is short).

3)      Take time to attend a church event that focuses on Advent or the Nativity.  For example, one church in my area sponsors a walk through Bethlehem that recreates the town at the time of Jesus.  You could also make time to go to an additional mass or church service or simply go to your church to pray.

4)      Outreach is important even if it is simple and inexpensive.   My church has a giving tree.   People pull off tags with basic needs for the homeless shelters such as shampoo or underwear.  I got my kids involved by having them pick out a tag, buy the item  and return it back to church. 

5)      Take time off work before the holidays to do Christmas shopping and baking.  The stores are less crowded.  I get all the shopping done, gifts wrapped and food prepared so I can relax closer to Christmas.

6)      Choose an inspirational book or devotional to read daily during Advent.  Plan to devote at least 30 minutes a day for reading.

7)      Last year when I felt stressed, I imagined myself at the manger in Bethlehem and felt the peace and joy of the scene.   This year, I am meditating on Mary as she walked to Bethlehem.  She must have wondered why she had to make this journey while close to giving birth to Our Savior.  However, she completely trusted in God and it all worked out so gloriously in the end.  As we get stressed by inconvenient events, we need to be more like Mary and surrender to God.

I hope everyone has an uplifting and inspirational Advent season!

My Progress So Far in Being Monastic

I have not updated the blog for a while due to extreme exhaustion.  The doctor found a vitamin deficiency.  Also, I received good news that I do not have breast cancer. However these physical issues and a pileup of other crises led to my current state of tiredness.  I still continued as much as possible to keep a routine of morning contemplative prayer, inspiring readings, slowing down and praying Divine Mercy at night.  These practices were an anchor for me as the storm intensified and raged around me. 

During this time, I read a couple of books on Benedictine spirituality.   Brother Benet Tvedter wrote a  book called How to Be Monastic and Not Lose Your Day Job.  (That title definitely caught my eye).  He emphasized a life of “balance, moderation, and a lot of humanity.”  There needs to be a time for prayer and work but “don’t work so hard that you don’t have time to pray.”  

I also read parts of The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris.  It was interesting to read a protestant’s perspective on her time spent in a Benedictine monastery and its influence on her spirituality and writing.  When living outside the monastery, she offered a few good ideas on taking the monastery with you.  She takes a walk at dawn, reads daily psalms, sings hymns and meditates on biblical passages (lectio divina).

Both of these books inspired me to start opening the bible and at least read a psalm.  I have not done this every day but hope to make it part of my regular routine.  Sometimes, I used the psalm that was part of the daily mass reading.  I also have just randomly picked a psalm.  One day, I fell upon the powerful Psalm 55 which has one of my favorite bible verses “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you.  He will never let the righteous fail.”  Psalm 55:22  I did not know that David wrote it after suffering from betrayal and being under siege in a fierce battle.  I felt God revealed to me that He understood my suffering by showing me this psalm.

l also will continue to study St. Benedict and write more on him in the future.  My church had a yard sale recently, so I picked up the Rule of St. Benedict for the bargain price of $.50.  Maybe God is sending me in this direction. 

The Lord is also telling me to spend time with Mary on this journey.  As a convert, I have had struggles with this aspect of Catholicism.  A couple of nights ago, I saw Tom Booth in concert at my church.  He used to be a music minister there but is now a Christian artist.  I was tired and fought a raging headache, although the music did uplift me.  He ended the concert by singing a beautiful prayer to Mary.  At that moment, I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to turn to Mary who suffered greatly from grief after her Son died and thus understood my suffering.  I then prayed a most desperate plea to her to intercede for my healing and wiped away tears flowing out of my eyes.  It was an extremely powerful experience and I truly believe she heard my prayer.  All I can do now is wait and trust in the Lord .

Poems from a Contemplative Heart

I started to write poetry after beginning a Christian-based 12 Step program.  The questions in my 12 Step book were probing.  A voice urged me to write poems even though I had not written poetry in 30 years so I began to write poems help me open up.

This poem below talks about the healing power of contemplative prayer. One of my friends was sick, so I decided to write a poem of encouragement.  I found out after writing it that my friend had been in the ER that night, so God gave me this poem for healing.

Be Still

by Julie Burbach

Be still and wait for His tender care.

Close your eyes, just feel,

So you will be aware,

Of a gentle touch that will lift

You out of despair.

Be still and reflect

On blessings in your life.

A mother's love, special times,

Let them fill up your mind,

And gently push away,

All the sadness left behind.

Be still and feel the beauty of your light,

See people you've touched,

It has shone so bright.

Don't let it grow dim,

In this dark night.

Be still and wait for He will be there.

Close your eyes, just feel,

Give Him all your cares.

And He will heal you, but only if you dare

To be still.

My next poem is on grief and loss issues.  Although mine are not as difficult as grieving the death of a loved one, we all face little deaths in our lives.  Working the steps brings these issues out in the open.  The only way out is to surrender and trust in God.  Here is the poem which shows my vision of grief and surrender.  I just finished it this week.

Endlessly Dark

by Julie Burbach

Endlessly dark,

A moonless sky,

Stars obscured,

I look for light.

Surrounded by mist,

My shattered heart,

Pierces the night,

With anguished cries,

Of emptiness,

And being apart.

Gentle whispers,

Stir up inside.

Tender thoughts,

Cut through pride.

Starlight pokes through.

And darkness takes

A softer hue.

Light from inside,

Becomes my guide.

Letting go of it all,

Though I stumble,

And fear to fall.

Insects hum,

And birds sing.

Fireflies go by,

I hear bells ring.

Color returns to the sky,

For soon the sun will rise.

So I am thankful to the Lord for giving me this desire to write poems.  I also believe that spending time in meditation opens the door to creativity.

Divine Mercy in My Life

One night in late March 2009 changed my life.  I attended a presentation on the Chaplet of Divine Mercy at my church.  I had never understood the need to repeat prayers or use a rosary, so I was not sure if I would even stay for the entire lecture.  However, I was fascinated as a man and woman shared the story of St. Faustina Kowalska from Poland (1905-1938) who started the tradition of praying for divine mercy from her visions with Jesus.  She shared these visions that occurred from 1934-1938 in her diary which is a bestseller today.  They then shared testimony on the power of this prayer.  People used it when faced with desperate situations such as cancer or the death of a loved one from suicide.  Jesus especially promised his mercy to people who were near death or to souls that have passed on with unresolved issues.  We then learned how to pray it and I went home with the prayer on a CD.  So, I thought maybe I would try it and put it on my ipod.

Little did I know how much I would need this prayer in the days to come.   A few days after this presentation, a friend’s father suddenly passed away without him having the chance to go home and say goodbye.  So I prayed to the Lord to have mercy on the soul of his father and also to ease his grief.  Then, my father became gravely ill with a staph infection.  By the time he went to the hospital, it had affected his major organs.  I did not think he would make it through the night so I went to my church’s chapel and took out the prayer instructions fighting tears in my eyes.  Another friend in Chicago also prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for my dad at the same time.  My father managed to make it through the night and eventually recovered after several weeks in the hospital.  Doctors told him that he was a walking miracle.  There is no doubt in my mind that this prayer was behind his healing.

To pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, you take out a rosary and say an Our Father (Lord’s prayer), Hail Mary and The Apostle’s Creed.  This is to quiet your mind and prepare for the prayer.  I find it helpful to visualize yourself in the presence of Christ but it is not required. Then, you say on the main Our Father bead:  “Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and the Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.” (476)  On the remaining 10 Hail Mary beads, say: “For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.” (476)  Add at this time the intention of your prayer which could be a person, country like the US or yourself.  You can also visualize the person needing the prayer.  Repeat this 4 times to go around the rosary.  You can stay with one intention or go to other people.  At the end, say 3 times “Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world."  (476)Then, it is tradition to say “Jesus, I trust in you” three times.  For more information, see this link:  http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message/devotions/chaplet.php

Now, many would wonder why you need to say this prayer instead of a quick prayer asking for the Lord’s mercy.  Certainly, the Lord will respond to any heartfelt plea for mercy.  However, often we still feel anxiety for the person or issue after a short prayer.   I believe Jesus gave us this prayer to heal our stress as well as heal the other person.  The repetition puts us into a meditative state.  When I listen to the CD, the prayer takes 20 minutes so normally I feel peaceful after completing it.   It is 20 wonderful minutes of your time spent with Jesus and caring for other people. 

An alternative way to do this prayer without a rosary would be to get into a quiet, meditative place.  Picture yourself with Jesus.  Slowly bring up people who need prayers and picture them with the Lord.  Spend time requesting for His mercy.  The importance is to take your time doing the prayer and quiet your mind from other distractions.

I, however, encourage you to try the chaplet.  It is easy to do especially if you obtain a CD.  Often, I pray it at bedtime and feel peaceful before sleeping. I began praying this prayer more as I was faced with difficult situations in my life.  It gave me hope when there did not seem to be any at the time.  Even when my cousin died last Spring, I felt comforted that the Lord provided him an easy and merciful death from this prayer. 

Divine mercy can and should be used for oneself.   I experienced this need last week.  I had been sick over the weekend from sudden surgery complications that were not normal.  In addition, I had to go in for a breast ultrasound after an inconclusive mammogram.  I also needed emotional healing from other issues in my life.  All I could do was quietly pray for His mercy which helped me stay strong during the week.  I am feeling a little better now and my doctor gave me a diagnosis of “probably benign” after the ultrasound.  So I will continue to pray for his mercy as I work on recovering in body and soul.

I will conclude with the words of Jesus in Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska : “The souls that say this chaplet will be embraced by My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death.” (754)  For more information on the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, this is a wonderful and comprehensive website: http://www.thedivinemercy.org/.

Walking Slow

We are always in a hurry.  People scurry to and from their jobs. We eat breakfast while answering emails, catching up on Facebook and talking on the cell phone at the same time.  Weekends are crammed with shopping at the grocery store and malls, rushing to pick up kids from sports, heading over to the gym for a quick workout and then hurrying to a party.  Sunday is often the busiest day of the week especially if church can be squeezed into the schedule.  The concept of Sabbath is foreign in this fast-paced society.

I have been guilty of this behavior which culminated in extreme exhaustion a few months ago.  I thought about a letter written to a friend by Father Charles Carpenter who lives in Mexico.  He wrote:  “We have to walk slowly, act slowly, think slowly, speak slowly, move slowly, etc.  Go about life in slow motion.  This is so important for conserving peace in the soul.”  He further advised:  “This is obtained by taking all the time necessary to live life tasting all the things God is giving us.  We need to read books slowly in order to appreciate them.  God never changes.”

It seems simple but is not easy.  I have to plan ahead so I have extra minutes to walk a little slower to the office or spend more time eating breakfast.  Old habits of eating, reading and talking at warp speed have been hard to break.  However, this week, I tried to slow down a little.  I was more aware of when I was moving too fast and told myself to slow down.  In addition, I stopped myself several times from multi-tasking.  Finally, I learned to reduce some of my activities.  I decided to stay home one night after being out the two previous nights.  Next week,  I will focus on eating slower which will be very challenging.    

One concern would be that slowing down is not efficient at work.  However, repeating oneself to be understood or starting over from a mistake is counter-productive.  Multi-talking can also lead to more errors and feeling tired by the end of the day.  So, slowing down can be more productive in the end as long as work is carefully planned to be done on time.  

When I wrote Father Carpenter for permission to quote his letter, he responded with even more intriguing ideas on walking slow.  He wrote that he discussed it with a priest who said Jesus was never in a hurry.  This is so true.  I do not remember Jesus ever telling people that he had to hurry to make an appointment to do a miracle in the next village.  In fact, Jesus took time off to pray.  The priest also told Father Carpenter that our hurry comes from original sin.  "We do not have control over time, only God does.   Our rest will come in the next life.  ('Rest in Peace' has a very deep theological meaning.)

He continued: "If work is not done in the spirit of Christ, it is a horrible form of slavery.  I know people whose lives, when they have deliberately turned their backs on God, are a total slavery to work.  They are activists and have made work a drug to which they are addicted.  As you may know, there is a website and 12-step group called Workaholics Anonymous.  This is proof of the affliction today's world is in.  Christopher Dawson believed that modern society was turning people into machines.  He taught that we need to depend more on the Holy Spirit, asking the Holy Spirit to enlighten our imaginations towards the production of creative works." 

Living and working by the clock instead of for God is definitely slavery.  It is not worth the stress if we are too tired or sick to have fun and enjoy life.  We have to pray that we will live our lives in the spirit of Christ and ask Him to help us slow down and experience the beauty of His creation.  Only then can we conserve His peace in our souls.

Returning to Centering Prayer

Centering Prayer is simply emptying oneself to seek union with our Lord. It requires detachment from our thoughts. Thomas Keating in Open Mind Open Heart said: “The method consists of letting go of every thought during the time of prayer, even the most devout thoughts.” He compared the flow of our thoughts to a river but most people are only aware of the flow and not the source (inner consciousness). We have to allow “our ordinary thoughts to recede into the background and to float along the river of consciousness without our noticing them.”


Centering prayer was created in the 1970’s by Trappist monks as a method to bring people to a contemplative prayer state. The prayer was practiced by early Christians and its practice was widespread during the Middle Ages, but its popularity decreased after the Reformation. Interest in this prayer began in the 1970’s as a Christian response to the Eastern meditation movement. Also, it is not merely a Catholic prayer but is open to anyone. In Phoenix, for example, Episcopal, Methodist and Presbyterian churches participate in centering prayer. There are also 12 Step groups for people working on Step 11 that focuses on prayer and meditation.

I started centering prayer in 2007 and participated in a group near my house for a year. However, I struggled to do it at home with all the noise and distractions. Most of the time, I could only do it at biweekly group meetings. Then, I had conflicts with the meeting date and my practice of centering prayer ceased.

Last week, I started it up again and managed to do it for 10-15 minutes before work every morning. The ideal time is 20 minutes but I will need to work up to this time. It took some adjustment, so here are a few tips for busy people:

1) Prepare as much as possible the night before (clothes, lunches, etc.) to maximize time available for centering prayer.

2) Do not do it when you first wake up. I yawned throughout the prayer practice on that day. Go ahead and be dressed for the day and even eat breakfast.

3) Find a quiet place where you can close the door and remove distractions. In my case, I have to make sure my cat is well fed before beginning the prayer or he will do his best to disrupt the prayer.

4) I found it helpful to prepare my mind by saying a few prayers such as an Our Father (Lord’s Prayer) or a Hail Mary. Any prayer can work to prepare for time with God. I also like to say a quick prayer of protection to keep demonic influences away. Catholics can use the prayer to St. Michael* but a few words requesting that the Lord keep the evil away are sufficient.

5) Another technique is to slowly count to 20 and visualize walking down a staircase. At the bottom is a door. I begin centering prayer after I open the door. Listening to quiet music and reading a bible verse are similar ways to prepare for this prayer. Note that these ideas are not part of centering prayer instructions but doing a few warmups before any exercise is good idea.

6) When ready to pray, sit comfortably in a quiet setting and repeat a word or phrase as thoughts enter your mind. I have used “open” or “be still” as examples. Find whatever word comes to your mind.

7) Use a timer. (I still need to get one). Keating advises to muffle it under a towel or pillow if loud in Open Mind Open Heart.

8) Finally, do not get upset every time a thought enters or you hear a noise. Just let them go.

9) When the time is up, wait a couple of minutes before opening up your eyes since going back also requires a transition.

It is too early to tell if this exercise has had results but I did focus better on mass today. I also did feel a little peaceful after most of the prayer sessions. I will report in future blogs on my progress as well as on walking slow and praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. The challenge for me will be adding evening centering prayer.

More comprehensive information on centering prayer is at http://www.contemplativeoutreach.org/. There are also websites on local chapters and support groups.

*St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.  Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.  May God rebuke him, we humbly pray.  And do thou, Oh Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the divine power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.  Amen.

Beginning Your Own Interior Monastery

Why would anyone want to leave his comfortable life to join a monastery? Thomas Merton provided an insightful response in his autobiography The Seven Storey Mountain. Here was a bright young man with a promising future as an academic and writer who gave up everything to enter Gethsemani Monastery in 1941 to become a Trappist monk. He wrote: “The logic of worldly success rests on a fallacy: the strange error that our perfection depends on the thoughts and opinions of other men!” Instead, “it was God alone that I was supposed to live for, God that was supposed to be the center of my life and of all I did.” The monastery for him “is a school---a school in which we learn from God how to be happy. Our happiness consists in sharing the happiness of God, the perfection of His unlimited freedom, the perfection of His love.”

I wonder how he would have commented in today’s world where we are bombarded by information and are slaves to technology that allows us to multi-task in every waking moment. We know within seconds what is happening on the other side of the globe and can respond instantly to someone’s message. Yet, are we better off now with more choices and less time to do them? Can we take time from our busy lives for God?

The difference between a monastery and secular life is that the former is centered on uniting with God through prayer and a daily routine. Secular life is often more centered on ourselves and other people, even for dedicated Christians if we are truly honest with ourselves. In my life, I am lucky to find a few minutes to set aside for prayer, read inspiring books or work on the 12 Steps. A few months ago, I was in a state of absolute exhaustion. My doctor ordered me not to work for a day as a result. It was a scary feeling and a wakeup call. Last week, I had surgery which was a second wakeup call. Although I have prayed many times and tried to surrender, I still feel like I am barely surviving through one crisis after another. Maybe, God is telling me that I need to spend more time with Him.

It is not possible to pack up my bags and head to Gethsemani like Thomas Merton. I am strongly committed to my family and career. My house is also chaotic so I cannot realistically adopt a monastic schedule. However, it can be possible to find moments each day to spend with God, create a routine and slowly build an interior monastery. Here are some ideas:

1) Adopt daily contemplative or centering prayer at a regular time which means sitting in a quiet place and emptying your mind of all thoughts to experience the presence of God. Repeating a word helps to achieve this state.  Centering prayer groups advise to do it twice a day for 20 minutes each time. This has been unrealistic in the past so my goal will be once a day in the morning for 10-20 minutes and before reading any emails or Facebook. A good website that discusses this prayer is http://www.contemplativeoutreach.org/.

2) Tell myself to slow down during the day especially when I am moving too fast. (A priest in Obregon, Mexico wrote this wonderful piece of advice to conserve peace in your soul).

3) Journal and do some spiritual reading each night.

4) Continue to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet at bedtime and say a 3:00 prayer as much as possible. (My work computer is set up to send me a reminder at 3pm). The divine mercy prayer uses the rosary and was started by St. Faustina who had numerous visions with Jesus during her life.  It focuses on praying for God's mercy for people or places.  (See http://www.thedivinemercy.org/ which provides a comprehensive explanation).  It is also believed that requesting God's mercy is most effective at 3pm when Jesus died so this is the reason to pray at that time.  An alternative prayer (especially for non-Catholics) would be to simply think about people who need God's mercy and pray for them.  I will do this when I go to bed late or am rushed for time.

These are baby steps to a more disciplined, spiritual life. Certainly, attending church more often, going to adoration and living simply can be added, but it is best to do a little at a time. I welcome suggestions from anyone who has taken similar steps. As construction of monasteries took many years, building up this interior monastery will take patience and time.  The goal of a deeper relationship with God is worth the sacrifice.