Advent Meditation: Journeying to Bethlehem

During this Advent, I decided to walk beside Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem and reflect on how they were able to make such a difficult journey.  It came at such an inconvenient time.  Mary was about to go into labor when they received the news to go to Bethlehem for the census.  As pointed out in the book The Christmas Journey by Donna Van Liere, this trip was about 70 miles, took around 5 days to walk and Mary would have felt “every rock and bump along the way.”

Donna Van Liere further wrote that Mary would have felt labor pains and also people staring at her because they questioned the story behind her pregnancy.  There was also concern that she might go into labor during the trip and how she and Joseph would even raise the Son of God.  Yet, Mary was told by the angel to “be not afraid.”  She put complete trust in God that she would complete the journey and give birth.

I also have at times wondered why things were happening at the wrong time in my life and have questioned God.  Why did I have to worry about breast cancer when recovering from surgery and then get extremely exhausted from the stress?  Mary shows how her complete trust in the Lord and lack of fear resulted in the Christmas we celebrate today.  I had to calm myself down and surrender everything to God in order to get well.  I also asked Mary to intercede and my life then started to turn around.  They did not find any cancer and I am gradually gaining more energy.

Our Lady probably also arrived just exhausted and then was told there was no room in the inn.  How many times have we almost reached our goals and obtained a setback?  Yet, she serenely accepted giving birth in a cold, dirty stable among the animals.  She did not complain that this was not worthy of the Son of God.  The Lord protected her and then surrounded her with His glorious light, songs of angels, and visits from shepherds and wise men.  So as we go on our own difficult journeys, we must stay calm and believe that the Lord will come even in the darkest of times.  He will shine His light of peace and joy into our lives in His own time. 

When I was pregnant, I would sometimes talk to my baby.  Thus, I was moved by this meditation to write a poem about Mary reassuring her son during her journey to Bethlehem.

Mary’s Lullaby (On the Road to Bethlehem)
by Julie Burbach

My precious, little child,

It’s not much longer now.

Though dark and cold,

On this long, bumpy road,

Do you feel the warm light,

Pouring into my soul?

Our Father is here,

Telling us not to fear,

As we journey through the night.

My precious, little child,

It’s time to rest now.

For it’s still a long way,

I will sit down and pray.

Do you hear the lullabies

Of angels by our side?

Telling us to be at peace,

And watching us,

While we sleep.

My precious, little child,

It’s almost time now.

For I can see the town,

Lighting up the sky around.

Do you feel the anticipation,

Of heavenly celebration?

Telling us it will be all right,

It’s time to reveal Your light.

My precious, little child,

It’s not much longer now.

I hope that everyone will have a joyous and blessed Christmas.  May we all strive to have the trust and serenity of Mary and patiently wait for God to reveal His light into our lives.

Slowing Down for Christmas

One of the busiest times of year has to be the Christmas season.  Everyone is bustling around trying to find the hottest gift at the cheapest price, decorating their homes to look like magazine pictures and making the perfect homemade Christmas goodies.  We get stressed fighting the mall crowds and getting all the gifts bought and wrapped by the holidays.  Holiday parties add to the stress since we also have to find the perfect Christmas outfit.   Who has time now during this busy season to experience Advent and reflect on the coming of Our Savior? 

To truly experience joy at Christmas, it is more important than ever to slow down, take time to meditate, read inspirational books, and observe traditions that are connected with Jesus.  Here are some of the ways I will work on experiencing Advent instead of the shopping craze:

1)       Gradually put up the decorations.  They do not have to be put up in one day but spread over several days or weeks.

2)      Look at family traditions and pick the ones with the most meaning.  You do not have to do them all to have a wonderful Christmas.  My favorites are lighting the candles on the advent wreath and baking a Christmas recipe from my childhood.  However, there is nothing wrong with buying store-bought Christmas cookies if there is no time to bake them.  (Cookie exchanges are also an idea when time is short).

3)      Take time to attend a church event that focuses on Advent or the Nativity.  For example, one church in my area sponsors a walk through Bethlehem that recreates the town at the time of Jesus.  You could also make time to go to an additional mass or church service or simply go to your church to pray.

4)      Outreach is important even if it is simple and inexpensive.   My church has a giving tree.   People pull off tags with basic needs for the homeless shelters such as shampoo or underwear.  I got my kids involved by having them pick out a tag, buy the item  and return it back to church. 

5)      Take time off work before the holidays to do Christmas shopping and baking.  The stores are less crowded.  I get all the shopping done, gifts wrapped and food prepared so I can relax closer to Christmas.

6)      Choose an inspirational book or devotional to read daily during Advent.  Plan to devote at least 30 minutes a day for reading.

7)      Last year when I felt stressed, I imagined myself at the manger in Bethlehem and felt the peace and joy of the scene.   This year, I am meditating on Mary as she walked to Bethlehem.  She must have wondered why she had to make this journey while close to giving birth to Our Savior.  However, she completely trusted in God and it all worked out so gloriously in the end.  As we get stressed by inconvenient events, we need to be more like Mary and surrender to God.

I hope everyone has an uplifting and inspirational Advent season!

My Progress So Far in Being Monastic

I have not updated the blog for a while due to extreme exhaustion.  The doctor found a vitamin deficiency.  Also, I received good news that I do not have breast cancer. However these physical issues and a pileup of other crises led to my current state of tiredness.  I still continued as much as possible to keep a routine of morning contemplative prayer, inspiring readings, slowing down and praying Divine Mercy at night.  These practices were an anchor for me as the storm intensified and raged around me. 

During this time, I read a couple of books on Benedictine spirituality.   Brother Benet Tvedter wrote a  book called How to Be Monastic and Not Lose Your Day Job.  (That title definitely caught my eye).  He emphasized a life of “balance, moderation, and a lot of humanity.”  There needs to be a time for prayer and work but “don’t work so hard that you don’t have time to pray.”  

I also read parts of The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris.  It was interesting to read a protestant’s perspective on her time spent in a Benedictine monastery and its influence on her spirituality and writing.  When living outside the monastery, she offered a few good ideas on taking the monastery with you.  She takes a walk at dawn, reads daily psalms, sings hymns and meditates on biblical passages (lectio divina).

Both of these books inspired me to start opening the bible and at least read a psalm.  I have not done this every day but hope to make it part of my regular routine.  Sometimes, I used the psalm that was part of the daily mass reading.  I also have just randomly picked a psalm.  One day, I fell upon the powerful Psalm 55 which has one of my favorite bible verses “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you.  He will never let the righteous fail.”  Psalm 55:22  I did not know that David wrote it after suffering from betrayal and being under siege in a fierce battle.  I felt God revealed to me that He understood my suffering by showing me this psalm.

l also will continue to study St. Benedict and write more on him in the future.  My church had a yard sale recently, so I picked up the Rule of St. Benedict for the bargain price of $.50.  Maybe God is sending me in this direction. 

The Lord is also telling me to spend time with Mary on this journey.  As a convert, I have had struggles with this aspect of Catholicism.  A couple of nights ago, I saw Tom Booth in concert at my church.  He used to be a music minister there but is now a Christian artist.  I was tired and fought a raging headache, although the music did uplift me.  He ended the concert by singing a beautiful prayer to Mary.  At that moment, I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to turn to Mary who suffered greatly from grief after her Son died and thus understood my suffering.  I then prayed a most desperate plea to her to intercede for my healing and wiped away tears flowing out of my eyes.  It was an extremely powerful experience and I truly believe she heard my prayer.  All I can do now is wait and trust in the Lord .

Poems from a Contemplative Heart

I started to write poetry after beginning a Christian-based 12 Step program.  The questions in my 12 Step book were probing.  A voice urged me to write poems even though I had not written poetry in 30 years so I began to write poems help me open up.

This poem below talks about the healing power of contemplative prayer. One of my friends was sick, so I decided to write a poem of encouragement.  I found out after writing it that my friend had been in the ER that night, so God gave me this poem for healing.

Be Still

by Julie Burbach

Be still and wait for His tender care.

Close your eyes, just feel,

So you will be aware,

Of a gentle touch that will lift

You out of despair.

Be still and reflect

On blessings in your life.

A mother's love, special times,

Let them fill up your mind,

And gently push away,

All the sadness left behind.

Be still and feel the beauty of your light,

See people you've touched,

It has shone so bright.

Don't let it grow dim,

In this dark night.

Be still and wait for He will be there.

Close your eyes, just feel,

Give Him all your cares.

And He will heal you, but only if you dare

To be still.

My next poem is on grief and loss issues.  Although mine are not as difficult as grieving the death of a loved one, we all face little deaths in our lives.  Working the steps brings these issues out in the open.  The only way out is to surrender and trust in God.  Here is the poem which shows my vision of grief and surrender.  I just finished it this week.

Endlessly Dark

by Julie Burbach

Endlessly dark,

A moonless sky,

Stars obscured,

I look for light.

Surrounded by mist,

My shattered heart,

Pierces the night,

With anguished cries,

Of emptiness,

And being apart.

Gentle whispers,

Stir up inside.

Tender thoughts,

Cut through pride.

Starlight pokes through.

And darkness takes

A softer hue.

Light from inside,

Becomes my guide.

Letting go of it all,

Though I stumble,

And fear to fall.

Insects hum,

And birds sing.

Fireflies go by,

I hear bells ring.

Color returns to the sky,

For soon the sun will rise.

So I am thankful to the Lord for giving me this desire to write poems.  I also believe that spending time in meditation opens the door to creativity.

Divine Mercy in My Life

One night in late March 2009 changed my life.  I attended a presentation on the Chaplet of Divine Mercy at my church.  I had never understood the need to repeat prayers or use a rosary, so I was not sure if I would even stay for the entire lecture.  However, I was fascinated as a man and woman shared the story of St. Faustina Kowalska from Poland (1905-1938) who started the tradition of praying for divine mercy from her visions with Jesus.  She shared these visions that occurred from 1934-1938 in her diary which is a bestseller today.  They then shared testimony on the power of this prayer.  People used it when faced with desperate situations such as cancer or the death of a loved one from suicide.  Jesus especially promised his mercy to people who were near death or to souls that have passed on with unresolved issues.  We then learned how to pray it and I went home with the prayer on a CD.  So, I thought maybe I would try it and put it on my ipod.

Little did I know how much I would need this prayer in the days to come.   A few days after this presentation, a friend’s father suddenly passed away without him having the chance to go home and say goodbye.  So I prayed to the Lord to have mercy on the soul of his father and also to ease his grief.  Then, my father became gravely ill with a staph infection.  By the time he went to the hospital, it had affected his major organs.  I did not think he would make it through the night so I went to my church’s chapel and took out the prayer instructions fighting tears in my eyes.  Another friend in Chicago also prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for my dad at the same time.  My father managed to make it through the night and eventually recovered after several weeks in the hospital.  Doctors told him that he was a walking miracle.  There is no doubt in my mind that this prayer was behind his healing.

To pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, you take out a rosary and say an Our Father (Lord’s prayer), Hail Mary and The Apostle’s Creed.  This is to quiet your mind and prepare for the prayer.  I find it helpful to visualize yourself in the presence of Christ but it is not required. Then, you say on the main Our Father bead:  “Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and the Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.” (476)  On the remaining 10 Hail Mary beads, say: “For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.” (476)  Add at this time the intention of your prayer which could be a person, country like the US or yourself.  You can also visualize the person needing the prayer.  Repeat this 4 times to go around the rosary.  You can stay with one intention or go to other people.  At the end, say 3 times “Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world."  (476)Then, it is tradition to say “Jesus, I trust in you” three times.  For more information, see this link:  http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message/devotions/chaplet.php

Now, many would wonder why you need to say this prayer instead of a quick prayer asking for the Lord’s mercy.  Certainly, the Lord will respond to any heartfelt plea for mercy.  However, often we still feel anxiety for the person or issue after a short prayer.   I believe Jesus gave us this prayer to heal our stress as well as heal the other person.  The repetition puts us into a meditative state.  When I listen to the CD, the prayer takes 20 minutes so normally I feel peaceful after completing it.   It is 20 wonderful minutes of your time spent with Jesus and caring for other people. 

An alternative way to do this prayer without a rosary would be to get into a quiet, meditative place.  Picture yourself with Jesus.  Slowly bring up people who need prayers and picture them with the Lord.  Spend time requesting for His mercy.  The importance is to take your time doing the prayer and quiet your mind from other distractions.

I, however, encourage you to try the chaplet.  It is easy to do especially if you obtain a CD.  Often, I pray it at bedtime and feel peaceful before sleeping. I began praying this prayer more as I was faced with difficult situations in my life.  It gave me hope when there did not seem to be any at the time.  Even when my cousin died last Spring, I felt comforted that the Lord provided him an easy and merciful death from this prayer. 

Divine mercy can and should be used for oneself.   I experienced this need last week.  I had been sick over the weekend from sudden surgery complications that were not normal.  In addition, I had to go in for a breast ultrasound after an inconclusive mammogram.  I also needed emotional healing from other issues in my life.  All I could do was quietly pray for His mercy which helped me stay strong during the week.  I am feeling a little better now and my doctor gave me a diagnosis of “probably benign” after the ultrasound.  So I will continue to pray for his mercy as I work on recovering in body and soul.

I will conclude with the words of Jesus in Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska : “The souls that say this chaplet will be embraced by My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death.” (754)  For more information on the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, this is a wonderful and comprehensive website: http://www.thedivinemercy.org/.

Walking Slow

We are always in a hurry.  People scurry to and from their jobs. We eat breakfast while answering emails, catching up on Facebook and talking on the cell phone at the same time.  Weekends are crammed with shopping at the grocery store and malls, rushing to pick up kids from sports, heading over to the gym for a quick workout and then hurrying to a party.  Sunday is often the busiest day of the week especially if church can be squeezed into the schedule.  The concept of Sabbath is foreign in this fast-paced society.

I have been guilty of this behavior which culminated in extreme exhaustion a few months ago.  I thought about a letter written to a friend by Father Charles Carpenter who lives in Mexico.  He wrote:  “We have to walk slowly, act slowly, think slowly, speak slowly, move slowly, etc.  Go about life in slow motion.  This is so important for conserving peace in the soul.”  He further advised:  “This is obtained by taking all the time necessary to live life tasting all the things God is giving us.  We need to read books slowly in order to appreciate them.  God never changes.”

It seems simple but is not easy.  I have to plan ahead so I have extra minutes to walk a little slower to the office or spend more time eating breakfast.  Old habits of eating, reading and talking at warp speed have been hard to break.  However, this week, I tried to slow down a little.  I was more aware of when I was moving too fast and told myself to slow down.  In addition, I stopped myself several times from multi-tasking.  Finally, I learned to reduce some of my activities.  I decided to stay home one night after being out the two previous nights.  Next week,  I will focus on eating slower which will be very challenging.    

One concern would be that slowing down is not efficient at work.  However, repeating oneself to be understood or starting over from a mistake is counter-productive.  Multi-talking can also lead to more errors and feeling tired by the end of the day.  So, slowing down can be more productive in the end as long as work is carefully planned to be done on time.  

When I wrote Father Carpenter for permission to quote his letter, he responded with even more intriguing ideas on walking slow.  He wrote that he discussed it with a priest who said Jesus was never in a hurry.  This is so true.  I do not remember Jesus ever telling people that he had to hurry to make an appointment to do a miracle in the next village.  In fact, Jesus took time off to pray.  The priest also told Father Carpenter that our hurry comes from original sin.  "We do not have control over time, only God does.   Our rest will come in the next life.  ('Rest in Peace' has a very deep theological meaning.)

He continued: "If work is not done in the spirit of Christ, it is a horrible form of slavery.  I know people whose lives, when they have deliberately turned their backs on God, are a total slavery to work.  They are activists and have made work a drug to which they are addicted.  As you may know, there is a website and 12-step group called Workaholics Anonymous.  This is proof of the affliction today's world is in.  Christopher Dawson believed that modern society was turning people into machines.  He taught that we need to depend more on the Holy Spirit, asking the Holy Spirit to enlighten our imaginations towards the production of creative works." 

Living and working by the clock instead of for God is definitely slavery.  It is not worth the stress if we are too tired or sick to have fun and enjoy life.  We have to pray that we will live our lives in the spirit of Christ and ask Him to help us slow down and experience the beauty of His creation.  Only then can we conserve His peace in our souls.

Returning to Centering Prayer

Centering Prayer is simply emptying oneself to seek union with our Lord. It requires detachment from our thoughts. Thomas Keating in Open Mind Open Heart said: “The method consists of letting go of every thought during the time of prayer, even the most devout thoughts.” He compared the flow of our thoughts to a river but most people are only aware of the flow and not the source (inner consciousness). We have to allow “our ordinary thoughts to recede into the background and to float along the river of consciousness without our noticing them.”


Centering prayer was created in the 1970’s by Trappist monks as a method to bring people to a contemplative prayer state. The prayer was practiced by early Christians and its practice was widespread during the Middle Ages, but its popularity decreased after the Reformation. Interest in this prayer began in the 1970’s as a Christian response to the Eastern meditation movement. Also, it is not merely a Catholic prayer but is open to anyone. In Phoenix, for example, Episcopal, Methodist and Presbyterian churches participate in centering prayer. There are also 12 Step groups for people working on Step 11 that focuses on prayer and meditation.

I started centering prayer in 2007 and participated in a group near my house for a year. However, I struggled to do it at home with all the noise and distractions. Most of the time, I could only do it at biweekly group meetings. Then, I had conflicts with the meeting date and my practice of centering prayer ceased.

Last week, I started it up again and managed to do it for 10-15 minutes before work every morning. The ideal time is 20 minutes but I will need to work up to this time. It took some adjustment, so here are a few tips for busy people:

1) Prepare as much as possible the night before (clothes, lunches, etc.) to maximize time available for centering prayer.

2) Do not do it when you first wake up. I yawned throughout the prayer practice on that day. Go ahead and be dressed for the day and even eat breakfast.

3) Find a quiet place where you can close the door and remove distractions. In my case, I have to make sure my cat is well fed before beginning the prayer or he will do his best to disrupt the prayer.

4) I found it helpful to prepare my mind by saying a few prayers such as an Our Father (Lord’s Prayer) or a Hail Mary. Any prayer can work to prepare for time with God. I also like to say a quick prayer of protection to keep demonic influences away. Catholics can use the prayer to St. Michael* but a few words requesting that the Lord keep the evil away are sufficient.

5) Another technique is to slowly count to 20 and visualize walking down a staircase. At the bottom is a door. I begin centering prayer after I open the door. Listening to quiet music and reading a bible verse are similar ways to prepare for this prayer. Note that these ideas are not part of centering prayer instructions but doing a few warmups before any exercise is good idea.

6) When ready to pray, sit comfortably in a quiet setting and repeat a word or phrase as thoughts enter your mind. I have used “open” or “be still” as examples. Find whatever word comes to your mind.

7) Use a timer. (I still need to get one). Keating advises to muffle it under a towel or pillow if loud in Open Mind Open Heart.

8) Finally, do not get upset every time a thought enters or you hear a noise. Just let them go.

9) When the time is up, wait a couple of minutes before opening up your eyes since going back also requires a transition.

It is too early to tell if this exercise has had results but I did focus better on mass today. I also did feel a little peaceful after most of the prayer sessions. I will report in future blogs on my progress as well as on walking slow and praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. The challenge for me will be adding evening centering prayer.

More comprehensive information on centering prayer is at http://www.contemplativeoutreach.org/. There are also websites on local chapters and support groups.

*St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.  Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.  May God rebuke him, we humbly pray.  And do thou, Oh Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the divine power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.  Amen.

Beginning Your Own Interior Monastery

Why would anyone want to leave his comfortable life to join a monastery? Thomas Merton provided an insightful response in his autobiography The Seven Storey Mountain. Here was a bright young man with a promising future as an academic and writer who gave up everything to enter Gethsemani Monastery in 1941 to become a Trappist monk. He wrote: “The logic of worldly success rests on a fallacy: the strange error that our perfection depends on the thoughts and opinions of other men!” Instead, “it was God alone that I was supposed to live for, God that was supposed to be the center of my life and of all I did.” The monastery for him “is a school---a school in which we learn from God how to be happy. Our happiness consists in sharing the happiness of God, the perfection of His unlimited freedom, the perfection of His love.”

I wonder how he would have commented in today’s world where we are bombarded by information and are slaves to technology that allows us to multi-task in every waking moment. We know within seconds what is happening on the other side of the globe and can respond instantly to someone’s message. Yet, are we better off now with more choices and less time to do them? Can we take time from our busy lives for God?

The difference between a monastery and secular life is that the former is centered on uniting with God through prayer and a daily routine. Secular life is often more centered on ourselves and other people, even for dedicated Christians if we are truly honest with ourselves. In my life, I am lucky to find a few minutes to set aside for prayer, read inspiring books or work on the 12 Steps. A few months ago, I was in a state of absolute exhaustion. My doctor ordered me not to work for a day as a result. It was a scary feeling and a wakeup call. Last week, I had surgery which was a second wakeup call. Although I have prayed many times and tried to surrender, I still feel like I am barely surviving through one crisis after another. Maybe, God is telling me that I need to spend more time with Him.

It is not possible to pack up my bags and head to Gethsemani like Thomas Merton. I am strongly committed to my family and career. My house is also chaotic so I cannot realistically adopt a monastic schedule. However, it can be possible to find moments each day to spend with God, create a routine and slowly build an interior monastery. Here are some ideas:

1) Adopt daily contemplative or centering prayer at a regular time which means sitting in a quiet place and emptying your mind of all thoughts to experience the presence of God. Repeating a word helps to achieve this state.  Centering prayer groups advise to do it twice a day for 20 minutes each time. This has been unrealistic in the past so my goal will be once a day in the morning for 10-20 minutes and before reading any emails or Facebook. A good website that discusses this prayer is http://www.contemplativeoutreach.org/.

2) Tell myself to slow down during the day especially when I am moving too fast. (A priest in Obregon, Mexico wrote this wonderful piece of advice to conserve peace in your soul).

3) Journal and do some spiritual reading each night.

4) Continue to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet at bedtime and say a 3:00 prayer as much as possible. (My work computer is set up to send me a reminder at 3pm). The divine mercy prayer uses the rosary and was started by St. Faustina who had numerous visions with Jesus during her life.  It focuses on praying for God's mercy for people or places.  (See http://www.thedivinemercy.org/ which provides a comprehensive explanation).  It is also believed that requesting God's mercy is most effective at 3pm when Jesus died so this is the reason to pray at that time.  An alternative prayer (especially for non-Catholics) would be to simply think about people who need God's mercy and pray for them.  I will do this when I go to bed late or am rushed for time.

These are baby steps to a more disciplined, spiritual life. Certainly, attending church more often, going to adoration and living simply can be added, but it is best to do a little at a time. I welcome suggestions from anyone who has taken similar steps. As construction of monasteries took many years, building up this interior monastery will take patience and time.  The goal of a deeper relationship with God is worth the sacrifice.

The World Became White

Last Saturday, I was invited to a party for my 12 step group.  I left around 5:30 pm.  There were black clouds in the sky which was normal during monsoon season in Arizona.  I could not find my sunglasses but felt the sun was not too bright, so I did not return to get them.  A few drops of rain sprinkled on the windshield.  It was not big deal since I was used to this weather and was driving a jeep.  A few more came down and then some dust. Still, I could see easily and put the windshield wipers on the lowest setting.  To my left, clouds were forming where I was headed and I saw a large bolt of lightening crash down as I passed the mall.  I felt a little concerned but said to myself that it was only 20 more minutes to get to the house.

The wind steadily increased as I made a turn due west and into the clouds.  Rain got heavier and pelted the car.  The sky grew whiter as I traveled further inside a dust and rainstorm.  Then, rain pounded and the cars slowly disappeared.  The sun was at angle above my car and getting ready to set.  The rays bore through the clouds and cast a blinding reflection on the wet road which also turned white and shiny.  I slowed down but could see nothing but white all around me although on a busy 6 lane freeway.  I quickly prayed and pulled over.

For five minutes, I sat watching cars whizz by.  I also forgot to turn off my lights which I later learned was dangerous.  Fortunately, I saw headlights behind me in time and restarted the car.  Slowly, I made my way to the exit. Visibility was a little better.  I had no idea where I was and where to go.  As I reached the top of the hill, the cloud passed over me and went north. There was less rain and visibility gradually improved.  The radio then announced a severe weather alert. Now you tell me, I thought. So I made my way to the party and arrived a little shaken but safe.  I later learned  that 69 cars were involved in a pileup from that storm.  There was no doubt in my mind that the Lord kept me safe and guardian angels were working overtime while I was on that road.  I even felt it was a sign not to worry about surgery in 3 days which went smoothly.

As I think about it, my own life resembles that storm.  I have been blinded and unable to move through chaos in my own family, job, health and life.  All I could do was trust in God to keep me safe during the storm but still struggle with surrending to Him each day.   For the past two years, I have been dabbling in contemplative prayer, 12 steps, reading on the saints and simplicity but still only taking baby steps.   I will write this blog as I study for ways to establish a monastery within my chaotic home and see what works.  Is it even possible?