I Know That Jesus Exists

The gospels after Easter are full of testimonials of eyewitness encounters with our Resurrected Lord.  Sometimes, we might feel like Doubting Thomas and need to see Him for ourselves to believe.   Often, we wonder if this could even happen over 2000 years later.  I am writing this blog to testify that the Lord still reveals Himself to the modern world, for he once came to me during a vision when I was 13.  Today, when I was praying the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy, I was urged to share this testimony with all of you.  Although my story is short, I will add it to the testimonies that Jesus does indeed appear today as he did to the disciples.

My vision occurred during an evening service at First Congregational Church in Ridgefield, CT where I lived during my teens.  It was 1975 during a rough time in my life, where I was a new kid who struggled to fit in at the local junior high.  My family attended the Congregational church, and to be honest, I was the typical bored teenager whose mind wandered most of the time.  The church was built in 1712, and we still sang the same hymns as the Pilgrims. 

One night, I went to an evening event with my family.  It was very different from the typical morning church service because we were singing contemporary songs.  I remember seeing people, who normally sat straight, start clapping and moving to the tunes. 

When you faced the front of the church, there were five stained glass windows that depicted scenes of Jesus.  They were in a semi-circle around the altar at that time.  The central window showed Jesus coming back at Judgment Day in a triumphant position.  He was surrounded by stained glass depicting rays of the sun. 

During the service, I suddenly saw the center stained glass window grow brighter (at night).  The image of Christ Triumphant briefly came to life and Jesus gave me a smile.  Then, He slowly faded away and the window went back to the stained glass image.  It might have lasted a couple of brief seconds, but at that moment, time was suspended.  I remember this peaceful feeling that lingered for a few days afterwards. 

Although I was with my family and in a crowded room, there was never any mention of anyone else seeing Jesus.   After the euphoria went away, I was too terrified to tell anyone especially my family because they would think I was crazy.  I even wondered about it myself, since this encounter never occurred again during my remaining years at the church.  So, how do I know it was real?

First, I was not afraid at all and felt indescribably peaceful.  Before this time, I had been afraid of dying after my baby sister passed away when I was three.  My parents explained to me that you see Jesus when you die, so I was absolutely terrified of the thought of encountering Him.  So, if this came from my imagination, I would have been scared that I was about to die. I also never took drugs or drank, so it would not be from a hallucination.

This event finally had a huge impact on my life and I remember it clearly today.  It served to comfort me during difficult times, because the Lord cared enough to appear to me.  My spiritual walk with Christ also began at that age.  My journey eventually led me to the Catholic Church which is more accepting of mystical experiences.  I later became devoted to St. Joan of Arc, St. Faustina and St. Juan Diego,  because they also experienced visions during their lives.

I now go to St. Timothy in Mesa, Arizona.  A few years ago, they painted a mural, and in the center is Christ Triumphant which reminds me of that stained glass window many years ago.  Despite my wishes, He has never appeared to me in my current church.  However, I do believe that Jesus smiles at everyone when they are worshipping Him, even if we cannot see it.  For one brief time in my life, He opened up my eyes and I saw a glimpse of eternity.

Image of St. Timothy Mural, Mesa, AZ 

Results of the Rosary Experiment

I spent last month saying the Rosary each day prayed for 4 people including myself.  The last decade was left open for whatever need occurred during the day.  As a complete beginner, I decided to be open to the experience.

I chose from the beginning to focus on a loving Mary.  Occasionally, I used the mysteries of the day but found that it was too much multitasking for a beginner.  There is a beautiful rhythm in the Hail Mary’s, Our Father, Glory Be and Prayer of Fatima that I reflected on as I prayed.  Mary would come to me in different images.  Most of the time, she was the familiar Our Lady of Lourdes or Fatima image that is in most Western churches.

I also saw her wearing the cloak of stars of Our Lady of Guadalupe or a cloak that shone in pastel, rainbow colors.  My favorite image was what I call Our Lady of the Stars.  Mary appeared in the night sky surrounded by beautiful stars similar to Our Lady of Guadalupe being surrounded by sunlight.  Her eyes were also like stars.  She was truly Queen of the Universe.  I later looked at Google images for Mary but the closest was this one, however; the stars surrounded her from head to toe.

Each decade was assigned to an intention.  I first prayed for myself, then a friend, a family member and finally a friend with stage 4 lung cancer.  During each of these decades, I imagined Mary shining her love upon me and the others.  Sometimes, the Mary in my mind would give the person an embrace.  Once she placed her cloak on me and I then placed the cloak on each person who needed intercession.  She revealed to me that the cloak would bring healing.  One month later, I do not know if the prayers worked since God is on eternal time.  However, my friend with stage 4 cancer is currently in remission.

The challenge was in keeping this discipline every day.  My schedule became busy because my kids returned to school, so I normally prayed the Rosary before bedtime.  Sometimes, it was late so I had to force myself to pray it.  It often resulted in shortening the decades.  Since I listened to the prayers on my IPhone, I sometimes fell asleep in the middle of the prayers.  So, I learned that is best to pray the Rosary prior to bedtime..

After one month of prayer, I took a few days off but actually missed the Rosary, so I will continue the prayers and start adding the Mysteries.  The challenge is in connecting the Mysteries to my intentions.  I also reflected on how each mystery would be apply to the people in my intercession and found it to be very  enlightening. 

As a conclusion, praying the Rosary confirmed the presence of Mary as a powerful force of intercession in a world that desperately needs her prayers.  She also presented herself as Queen of the Universe, so I know without any doubt that her petitions will be heard.  The Rosary is also a way to deepen the prayer experience in a meditative state and provide needed peace to your soul.  

The Rosary Experiment

This month, I started a new chapter in my spirituality.  I decided to pray the Rosary and focus each decade on a person needing Our Lady’s prayers including me.  I will pray for the same people during the first four decades and let the Holy Spirit decide on the 5^th decade’s intention.  My plan is to pray the Rosary every day in August and see what effect it has after one month of daily devotion.  Why pray the Rosary instead of other prayers?  I believe Our Lady has finally led me to it.

During the past few months, my spiritual routine slacked off.  Just one day of not meditating or praying turned into weeks of avoiding time with God.  As usual, the busyness of life and dealing with conflicts were convenient excuses.  However, Mary gently encouraged me to start this prayer.

In May, I attended a presentation made by a Catholic convert whose life was changed by regular devotion to Mary.  He is now discerning the diaconate.  My favorite 89 year-young Irish priest encouraged my parish to follow St. Louis de Montfort’s path of total consecration.  In this method, we dedicate our lives to Jesus through Mary.  I had to start and stop this consecration three times but the prayers had an effect.  I am currently on the 3^rd week where you study Our Lady and end by praying the Rosary.

Mary has also been present at critical stages in my faith journey.  I grew up Presbyterian but started to attend the Catholic Church at age 20.  It then took 10 years to convert.  The final straw was a game played at the young adult group at my Presbyterian Church where they eliminated historical figures.  Everyone was quick to eliminate Mary which horrified me. I walked into an RCIA class that same week in 1990 and became Catholic on Easter Vigil in 1991.

After my conversion, I still was uncomfortable with devotions to Mary so she had to reveal herself patiently to me.  In 2007, I visited the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico City.  As soon as I walked in the square, I was struck by a tremendous amount of energy and knew that she had appeared there.  It was truly an emotional experience to walk up the hill to the chapel at the top of Tepeyac.  Ironically, I saw hundreds of images of Our Lady of Guadalupe that day in the various buildings but did not realize that the real one was in the ugly, new basilica.  However, it did not matter because I already had proof of her presence in my heart.

Chapel at the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe, Mexico City

In August 2008, the Diocese of Phoenix celebrated a beautiful Guadalupe festival with a number of speakers.  It culminated with the presentation of a relic from the tilma.  I was awestruck by the unity of everyone there from different nationalities for Our Lady.

Last October, I was very ill from a severe vitamin deficiency and had little energy.  I attended a Tom Booth concert at my church where he ended the concert by singing a beautiful song that he wrote called “My Lady.”  As I heard the song, tears flowed out of my eyes and I felt a strong urge to pray to Mary because she understood my pain.  So I prayed a most desperate prayer for healing and slowly over the weeks felt better. This experience was described in greater detail at an earlier blogpost.

Finally, I visited the Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche in St. Augustine, Florida last month.  It was a very serene place that was significant as the first US mission to the Catholic Church.  I spent a few minutes in prayer to Our Lady and felt peaceful afterwards.

Thus, my desire to pray the Rosary is to deepen my relationship with Mary and to see how daily devotion will help me and others who especially need her intercession.   I downloaded a CD in my Iphone with the soothing voice of Roma Downey praying the Rosary which came with the book Practical Praying:  Using the Rosary to Enhance Your Life by John Edwards.  The author is a famous medium who prays the Rosary daily.  I found his book very down to earth and perfect for beginners.  I decided on my intentions and will write down the results of my prayer experiences in my journal.

Our Lady of La Leche - St. Augustine, Florida

The first time I prayed a “practice run” on 7/30, I imagined Our Lady embracing the people I was praying for during each decade.  It was so beautiful that I decided to continue with this meditation.  The second time I prayed the Rosary, Our Lady gave me a red rose to hold with thorns.  It was again a peaceful and inspiring experience.  I hope to find out the meaning of the rose as I continue this month of devotions.  With Our Lady in charge, it will definitely be a rewarding journey.

Jesus Was Never in a Hurry-Father Charles Carpenter on the "Jesus Walk"

One of the most challenging aspects of adopting a more monastic lifestyle is learning to slow down in a world that continues to revolve faster.   Father Charles Carpenter of Alamos, Mexico just published “The Jesus Walk”  in the April 2011 edition of Homiletic and Pastoral Review which discusses the importance of slowing down in order to live a more creative and satisfying life. 

In his article, he reminds us that Jesus took his time "from the start."  He spent 30 years working with wood in Nazareth and slept on a fishing boat during a raging storm.  He even put off healing Lazarus.  Father Carpenter stated:  “We might affirm, without much margin of error, that this man was never in a hurry to do anything.” 

Father Carpenter also discussed in his article that great masterpieces took time to be done well and wondered about the lack of masterpieces in today’s world.   People in the Middle Ages valued leisure and considered workaholism as a "form of sloth."  However, we turn out pulp novels today instead of great works of literature.  Writing faster on a computer instead of using a pen deprives us of the pauses that bring forth creativity.  “Perhaps the reason we do not have great men in our times is because we do not allow ourselves to do things slowly, that is, with the time it takes to do it well.”

How do we counter this culture that values speed over quality?  He encourages people “to learn a new dance – the Jesus Walk” which is “walking slow” and allowing time for creativity.    He also reminds us to find time for prayer and uses the example of Jesus who always prayed before making major decisions.  It is not “time lost” but the “best investment.”

The most intriguing part of the article was how rest is associated with creativity.  Lately, I have been busier which might explain my struggles with writer’s block.  It has been increasingly more difficult to find time for prayer in the morning and journaling.  I finally cut back on outside activities which has helped me focus.  It will be an interesting experiment to write more with a pen instead of a computer (and I confess to writing this blog on a computer but at a slow pace).

Last weekend, I learned a lesson in slowing down.  My son and I were returning from the store in the rain and were chatting as I drove through the neighborhood.  Suddenly, a car tried to turn in front of us from the street to our right.  I put on the brakes and barely stopped within inches of hitting the car.  The speed limit is slow in this neighborhood so it is tempting to drive above it.  I realize if I had driven faster, my son and I would have been in a serious head-on collision.   Thank God the only thing that happened was that both our hearts were pounding.

Dr. Peter Marshall, a famous 20th century Presbyterian minister,  also wrote about this topic in a sermon called “Sin in the Present Tense.”  It was written just after World War II.  His observation was:  “Whereas our grandparents could make a gracious ceremony and devote a whole evening to a game of Parcheesi, we now feel frustrated unless we can in a single evening, combine a dinner date, take in a movie, make a couple of telephone calls, visit somebody on the way downtown and maybe do some shopping on our way to the show.  We try to do too much in too short a time.  We are compressing our lives into capsules that are quite indigestible.” (Catherine Marshall, A Man Called Peter, 1951, pg 323)  He compared worry and anxiety to lack of trust in God which is a sin.  I wonder what he would think of our even faster life in the 21^st century.

Therefore, we must resolve to deliberately slow down our pace and find the peace of soul from "living in slow-motion."  It is counter-cultural but certainly obtaining inner peace is worth the effort of slowing down.  I hope you will take time to read Father Carpenter's article.  You can find it on his website at http://www.missionariesoffatima.org/.  The article is located under Christian Living.  Click Christian Living and then "go to archive" to view the article.  You can also find information on his work as a missionary in Mexico.  The Homiletic and Pastoral Review website is http://www.hprweb.com/.

Can Technology Help You Be Contemplative?

I have written before about the craziness of this multitasking world and how we need to slow down to connect with God.  Recently, I upgraded to an IPhone and wondered if I was caving in to the demands of the 21^st century.  However, owning a smartphone has positive aspects such as apps on the Divine Mercy, daily mass readings and the Bible.  You could even get an app for the Liturgy of the Hours.  My Iphone also has Taize songs and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.   So, it can save time to find meditations at your fingertips, as long as you are not tempted to look at Facebook and emails instead of prayers. 

We no longer need to open up devotional books when they are posted daily on your Facebook.  Friends email us with inspiring powerpoint presentations.  There are websites that can offer discussion boards and articles.  The sites that I have recommended here are all excellent.  Jesusofnazaret.com is administered by a Maronite Catholic monk who lives in Rome and has great articles, videos, discussions and links to an online TV site- www.jesusofnazaret.com.  My friend S.T. Martin runs a website dedicated to St. Therese and St. Joan of Arc (www.joanand therese.net).  There is a new site from a family member which is an online discussion on St. Ignatius and the 12 Steps (http://www.spiritualeg.com/).   A community of Poor Clare nuns that live near me write a marvelous blog that is known internationally - http://www.desertnuns.blogspot.com/.  It is interesting to read their spirtitual insights and about daily life at the monastery.

We can spend all day googleling to various websites for spiritual refreshment.  Still, a virtual mass is not the same as attending mass, and a virtual confession will not replace actual time with a priest.  My church instituted perpetual adoration this year and had us sign up for an hour a week or month to spend time with Jesus in the chapel.  Cell phones have to be turned off there, so it is extremely quiet.  Since my time is the 2^nd Friday of the month, I call it my Friday night date with Jesus.  When I first went to the chapel, I wondered how I would ever fill up an hour in prayer.  To my surprise, I enjoyed spending time alternating between contemplative prayer and the intentions of my friends.  When I later went to the car, I saw that an hour had passed and felt tremendous peace.  I intend to go to the chapel more often than my scheduled time.

Technology can be our friend in our quest for a deeper relationship with God, but we must use it with moderation.  It can also be an addiction that cannot replace worshiping at church, going to small groups and private prayer.  We still need to be connected with people and God through personal interactions instead of a few strokes at a keyboard.

Prayer and Spirituality in 2011

It is that time of year again when everyone makes resolutions.  Besides the normal weight loss resolutions, it is important to consider your prayer life and find more time for God . Here are my resolutions:

1)  Increase the time of daily contemplative prayer.  It is rare that I can do it twice a day but I will at least strive to do it longer each day.

2)  Continue to slow down.  I will try picking one day a week to really focus on it.

3)  Read and reflect on daily mass readings.  My daughter gave me a bilingual bible, so I can also learn more Spanish words while reading scripture. 

4)  Take better care of yourself.  After I got sick last year, I learned the importance of maintaining good health.  God certainly wants us to respect the body He created for us.  Instead of focusing on pounds this year, I will work on eating healthier foods and daily exercise.  The last one will be my biggest challenge for I have made many excuses to avoid exercise.  However, if I can do daily prayer, I can find the time to exercise.

5)  Make regular times to journal and continue writing.  I had no idea on how to blog before last September but it has been a blessing.  I hope to find more interesting topics to share on this blog as well as on my Spanish blog http://www.amigaamericana.blogspot.com/.

6)  Keep my commitment for Adoration.  My church is having us sign up for a time to commit to Adoration in the chapel.  I picked the 2nd Friday of the month.  It will be interesting to see how this time with the Lord will affect my spiritual journey.

7)  Pray for social justice.  I will continue to pray for social justices causes such as finding a solution for immigration and search for ways to get involved.

8)  Take time each week to read an inspirational book.

Well, I hope these resolutions will inspire you to make time in your busy lives for the Lord.  May you all have a blessed and uplifting 2011!

Advent Meditation: Journeying to Bethlehem

During this Advent, I decided to walk beside Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem and reflect on how they were able to make such a difficult journey.  It came at such an inconvenient time.  Mary was about to go into labor when they received the news to go to Bethlehem for the census.  As pointed out in the book The Christmas Journey by Donna Van Liere, this trip was about 70 miles, took around 5 days to walk and Mary would have felt “every rock and bump along the way.”

Donna Van Liere further wrote that Mary would have felt labor pains and also people staring at her because they questioned the story behind her pregnancy.  There was also concern that she might go into labor during the trip and how she and Joseph would even raise the Son of God.  Yet, Mary was told by the angel to “be not afraid.”  She put complete trust in God that she would complete the journey and give birth.

I also have at times wondered why things were happening at the wrong time in my life and have questioned God.  Why did I have to worry about breast cancer when recovering from surgery and then get extremely exhausted from the stress?  Mary shows how her complete trust in the Lord and lack of fear resulted in the Christmas we celebrate today.  I had to calm myself down and surrender everything to God in order to get well.  I also asked Mary to intercede and my life then started to turn around.  They did not find any cancer and I am gradually gaining more energy.

Our Lady probably also arrived just exhausted and then was told there was no room in the inn.  How many times have we almost reached our goals and obtained a setback?  Yet, she serenely accepted giving birth in a cold, dirty stable among the animals.  She did not complain that this was not worthy of the Son of God.  The Lord protected her and then surrounded her with His glorious light, songs of angels, and visits from shepherds and wise men.  So as we go on our own difficult journeys, we must stay calm and believe that the Lord will come even in the darkest of times.  He will shine His light of peace and joy into our lives in His own time. 

When I was pregnant, I would sometimes talk to my baby.  Thus, I was moved by this meditation to write a poem about Mary reassuring her son during her journey to Bethlehem.

Mary’s Lullaby (On the Road to Bethlehem)
by Julie Burbach

My precious, little child,

It’s not much longer now.

Though dark and cold,

On this long, bumpy road,

Do you feel the warm light,

Pouring into my soul?

Our Father is here,

Telling us not to fear,

As we journey through the night.

My precious, little child,

It’s time to rest now.

For it’s still a long way,

I will sit down and pray.

Do you hear the lullabies

Of angels by our side?

Telling us to be at peace,

And watching us,

While we sleep.

My precious, little child,

It’s almost time now.

For I can see the town,

Lighting up the sky around.

Do you feel the anticipation,

Of heavenly celebration?

Telling us it will be all right,

It’s time to reveal Your light.

My precious, little child,

It’s not much longer now.

I hope that everyone will have a joyous and blessed Christmas.  May we all strive to have the trust and serenity of Mary and patiently wait for God to reveal His light into our lives.